Opinion: Pac-12 revival deserves nickname worthy of cheap sunglasses

• When I think of the resurrected Pac-12, I think of a vendor hawking cheap sunglasses in Mexico.
• Hugh Freeze's delusions reach an epic proportion.
• Tennessee's Josh Heupel finds new way to win against Oklahoma

Ever walked past a vendor’s stall in Mexico and peeked at the sunglasses?

Some of them probably had an “O” near the hinges. They might even have said “Oakley” across the bridge of the frames, but you knew they weren't Oakleys, because Oakleys don’t sell for 500 pesos.

And, anyway, upon close inspection, these glasses don’t entirely look like Oakleys. They’re knock-offs, and you wouldn’t want to wear them to stare at the sun, but, what the heck, they only cost 500 pesos, and they’ve got an “O” on them, and you can’t afford real Oakleys, but you’d feel kind of cool wearing these cheapos, and, maybe, no one will notice.

Except plenty of us do notice.

People in on the joke know these sunglasses by a nickname: Foakleys, short for Fake Oakleys.

That’s what the new Pac-Whatever is. It’s the Fake Pac-Whatever. I’ll call it the F-Pac-W.

This resurrected league can welcome Utah State into the fold, slap a Pac logo on its chest and hope no one notices the imitation, but anyone who remembers Reggie Bush or Marcus Allen or Bill Walton or Kareem Abdul-Jabbar will spot this conference for the gimmick it is.

Washington State and Oregon State will tell themselves they saved the "Conference of Champions" while remodeling their home. Except they didn’t save a conference. They couldn’t, because the spirit of the Pac-12 died when 10 members announced in either 2022 or '23 their defections to the Big Ten, Big 12 or ACC.

Wazzu and Oregon State could’ve found home and harmony in the Mountain West. Instead, they rebuffed a few of their potential Mountain West roommates (too good for you, Wyoming!), invited the rest over to their dilapidated place and put a fresh coat of paint on the tattered house.

As the F-Pac-W scrambled for members this week, it all came off as a little pathetic.

Oregon State and Washington State fired off texts to everyone in their contacts list, hoping someone, anyone, would hit them back so they’d have a date to the prom.

When you’re a two-member “conference” desperate to survive, you don’t get to be choosy.

And they scored a handful of thumbs-up responses, while schools like Memphis and South Florida left on read, holding out hope for a better invitation down the road. If the ACC eventually pings Memphis and USF, they’ll be glad they held off. If not, they might harbor a few regrets.

It’s not that this Pacific imitation league will stink.

It’s going to be a nice little conference that will possess some geographical alignment – a rarity, nowadays. The league will pack a punch with the best of the Group of Fives.

The same could have been said of the Mountain West, particularly in hoops.

The MWC qualified six teams for the NCAA men's tournament last spring. Four of those schools (Boise State, Colorado State, San Diego State and Utah State) are pledged to join Oregon State and Washington State for this Pac reboot.

So, yes, they’ve got a decent thing going. It just already existed under the Mountain West banner.

Now, it’s half the Mountain West and two vagabonds turned poachers, masquerading as something it’s not.

Slap an “O” on it, and you could hawk it for the college athletics equivalent of 500 pesos.

The delusional mind of Hugh Freeze

Hugh Freeze wins 100% of the games he doesn’t play.

Unfortunately for Auburn’s second-year coach, no one except Freeze cares about his record in mythical games that unfold in his imagination.

As for Freeze’s real record, he’s 8-9 at Auburn. If you include his final three games as Liberty’s coach, Freeze has won eight times in his last 20 games.

That’s lousy, and as Freeze free falls from prominence, he's ramped up his delusions. Here’s what Freeze said on his “Tiger Talk” radio show, days Auburn’s 24-14 loss to Arkansas on Saturday.

“I mean no offense whatsoever to Arkansas or to Cal, (which also beat Auburn),” Freeze said. “I love Sam Pittman. I hope he wins the rest of his games. But I’m telling you, the hard truth is, we play them nine more times, we beat them nine times.”

No, the hard truth is, Freeze lost to Arkansas in the game played on the field, rather than in his mind. Auburn’s 14 turnovers pace the nation. Its quarterback play remains an anchor, after Freeze misjudged his talent at the position and refused to invest in a transfer.

He's only unstoppable in his imagination.

Brains vs. brawn when Texas A&M meets Arkansas

One of the coaches in Saturday’s Arkansas vs. Texas A&M game graduated from Penn. One of them didn't.

Pittman, the Razorbacks’ coach, won’t make you guess who’s who.

“It’s obvious which one of us didn’t go. That’s me,” Pittman, Arkansas’ affable coach, said with a grin this week.

Aggies coach Mike Elko enjoys the rare distinction of Ivy League graduate turned SEC coach.

And Pittman? Well, he took the long road to snagging a bachelor’s degree from Pittsburg State in Kansas, where he played football and became an NAIA All-American.

“Six years, I got my P.E. degree, what the heck,” Pittman said with a smile, adding that Elko would probably triumph in a spelling bee.

Pittman may be only a few losses away from reclaiming hot-seat status, but no one can say he's not enjoying himself.

Email of the week

Mike writes: Regarding Tennessee's surprisingly conservative play-calling in the second half against Oklahoma, do you think Josh Heupel might have chosen to take it easy on Oklahoma because he still wants to be head coach there some day?

My response: No, I chalk up Tennessee’s conservative second-half approach to how well the Vols’ defense played and Heupel’s coaching maturation. Once upon a time, Heupel might have been more interested in chasing yards and points than pursuing the smartest avenue to victory.

Now in his fourth season at Tennessee, he’s a more well-rounded coach. He knew the Sooners' meager offense couldn’t muster enough points to rally unless Tennessee handed it the game on a platter. So, he valued ball control, time of possession and trusted his defense. I don't think that was born out of sympathy for his alma mater, but rather an appreciation of his defense.

Three and out

1. Georgia’s Carson Beck possesses NFL tools, but I’m waiting for him to have that heroic performance that tells me this guy will deliver a national championship. Beck embodies more talents than predecessor Stetson Bennett IV, but Bennett put on his hero’s cape in big games. He rose to the occasion in Georgia’s wins against LSU, Ohio State and TCU two seasons ago while it repeated as national champs. Beck rarely has an off night. He’s steady-eddy, but winning a national championship can call on a quarterback to delivery a few transcendent performances.

When No. 1 Georgia plays at No. 4 Alabama on Saturday, Beck will have a platform to show he can be a national champion quarterback before becoming a first-round NFL draft pick.

2. Oklahoma coach Brent Venables corrected the misconceived notion that the Sooners ran off former star quarterback Dillon Gabriel to make room atop the depth chart for Jackson Arnold.

Arnold’s been a bust, while Gabriel thrives at Oregon. Venables incorrectly assumed Gabriel would head to the NFL after last season. Gabriel, Venables said, surprised him last winter when he informed his coach that he’d return for a sixth season but wanted to play closer to home.

Gabriel is from Hawaii. How many flights home could he possibly be taking this fall? A flight to Hawaii – from either Oklahoma or Oregon – is a daylong affair. It’s not like transferred to Hometown U. and skips down the street for a home-cooked Sunday meal.

“Closer to home” sounds like code for, Gabriel viewed Oregon as a better team. He's not wrong there.

3. James Franklin called on Penn State fans to supply “White-Out energy" for Saturday's game against Illinois. Consider Illini coach Bret Bielema unshaken by wardrobe arrangements.

“They’re going to be dressed, right?" Bielema said of the fans. "It’s probably going to be one (color) or the other. I know they’re calling for a White Out energy, whatever the hell that means."

Bielema never lacked bravado. Now, he’s got an undefeated team to pair with that Big Bielema Energy.

Blake Toppmeyer is the USA TODAY Network's national college football columnist. Email him at BToppmeyer@gannett.com and follow him on Twitter @btoppmeyer.

Subscribe to read all of his columns.